Have you ever been deep in conversation with a friend, laughing as you joke around, when all of a sudden, their demeanor changes. Their smile fades, and they withdraw, eyes gloss over as if they’ve stepped away. It’s disorienting, not just for them, but for you too. What just happened?
This sudden shift is what we mean by being “triggered,” though it's far removed from the trivial way it’s often used in social media, where someone might claim they're "triggered" by a minor inconvenience. Here, being triggered is serious—it's like a mental switch is flipped, sending someone spiraling back to past traumas or deep-seated fears. This can manifest as sudden sadness, anxiety, or a visible detachment from the present [1].
Recently, my mom felt an old wound reopen when plans with her own mother fell through. This triggered old feelings of abandonment from her childhood. Of being left behind, of her mother choosing other people over her, and it sent her on an emotional spiral for a while.
These triggers are deeply personal and can catch us off-guard, reminding us that past pains can linger, waiting for a moment to surface.
Recognizing and Responding to Triggers
Meme by Medium (2019)
Triggers aren't limited to specific times or settings; they can happen anywhere, at any moment. It's the little things—a song, a scent, a phrase—that can unknowingly lead us back to moments we’d rather forget. When triggered, you may experience a range of emotions and physical responses like [2]:
- Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts that make them feel as if they are reliving the trauma
- Physical symptoms such as sweating, shaking, or increased heart rate
- Emotional responses like fear, panic, anger, or sadness
- Behavioral responses such as withdrawing, acting out, or becoming defensive
If you think your friend is being triggered, here’s how you can help them in that moment:
- Presence over perfection: Sometimes, just being there is enough. Your presence can provide a sense of safety and stability.
- Listen without judgment: When a friend opens up about their triggers, listen. Don't rush to fix things. Just be there, hear them out, and acknowledge their feelings.
- Help them ground themselves: If they’re feeling lost, gently guide them back to the present. Simple questions about their surroundings or encouraging them to focus on their breathing can help.
- Give them space if needed: If they need time to themselves, respect that. Space can be a powerful healer.
Preemptive Steps and Long-Term Support
While you can’t shield your friend from all potential triggers, you can help them prepare and possibly soften the impact [3]:
- Identify triggers together: Sometimes, understanding what triggers them can help in managing reactions better.
- Developing Coping Strategies: Using techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness.
- Creating Safe Environments: Avoiding known triggers and creating spaces that feel safe and comforting.
- Develop a “Trigger Action Plan”: Discuss what they find helpful during such moments, whether it's a specific comforting activity or a safe space they can retreat to. How long you’d like space and how often they should check in with you.
It’s often better to have an action plan in place with a network of people you trust, then for them to struggle to help you when you are actively in a triggered state.
Embracing Patience in the Recovery Journey
Recovery isn’t a linear process; it varies drastically from person to person. Some might bounce back quickly, while others need more time to regain their equilibrium. Recognizing and respecting this variability is crucial in how you support them.
Conclusion: Cultivating Understanding and Compassion
Supporting a friend through their triggers isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it's about showing up, being present, and offering a steady hand when the past gets a bit too heavy to handle alone. It’s about patience, understanding, and, most importantly, compassion. Together, navigating the tricky terrain of mental health becomes a journey of shared growth and healing.
Remember, while you play a role in their support system, encouraging professional help is also vital if triggers become overwhelming or frequent. Your support can make a world of difference, but it's also important to recognize when additional help is needed.
References
[1] Emotional triggers: What they are and 9 tips to deal with them. BetterUp. (n.d.). https://www.betterup.com/blog/triggers
[2] WebMD. (2001, September 11). What are PTSD triggers?. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-ptsd-triggers
[3] Ashbaugh, R. (2021, February 23). 6 ways to self-soothe when you’re feeling triggered. Solid Foundations Therapy. https://solidfoundationstherapy.com/6-way-to-self-soothe-when-youre-feeling-triggered/