We all adjust our behavior in different situations, but for some people, it goes beyond just being polite or professional. It's a survival mechanism. This is called masking, and itâs especially common among neurodivergent people, such as those with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or ADHD. But what exactly is masking, and how does it impact your mental health?
What is Masking?
Masking is when someone hides or suppresses their natural behaviors to avoid stigma, discrimination, or social rejection by mimicking behaviors that are considered typical or acceptable in a given context [1]. While all people mask to a certain extent, neurodivergents tend to have to mask prominent traits more consistently. A study in the UK found that 63% of neurodivergents felt the need to mask at work [2]. This can mean forcing eye contact, copying others' speech patterns, suppressing stimming behaviors, or even pretending to understand jokes or sarcasm. Many people mask without even realizing it, as it becomes second nature over time.
People Pleasing vs Masking
Are people pleasing and masking the same thing? Surprisingly, no. While similar in some aspects, each have distinct motivations and implications, particularly for neurodivergent individuals.â
Masking involves suppressing or camouflaging your natural behaviors, traits, or needs to conform to societal norms, often to avoid stigma or discrimination. Like, an autistic person forcing themselves to maintain eye contact or suppress stimming behaviors to avoid standing out. This can lead to negative effects, including increased stress, exhaustion, and a disconnection from one's true identity.Â
People-pleasing, on the other hand, involves altering your behavior to gain approval or avoid conflict, often stemming from a desire to be liked or accepted. This behavior is typically a âfawningâ response, which is a coping mechanism developed to avoid conflict and maintain safety in environments perceived as threatening or unpredictable. People-pleasers might agree to tasks they don't want to do or hide their true opinions to maintain harmony.Â
How Can You Tell if Someone is Masking?
Masking isnât always obvious, as it often involves subtle changes in behavior or expression. Common signs include [3]:
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Inconsistent Emotions: Someone may appear cheerful or composed in public but feel drained, anxious, or disconnected in private.
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Discrepancy Between Public and Private Behavior: Differences in how someone acts in public versus private settings. Quiet and reserved in public versus vocally stimming in private.
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Withdrawal or Isolation: Since masking can be mentally and physically exhausting, some people retreat from social interactions to recover.
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Sudden Change in Behavior or Personality: Abrupt changes in demeanor or behavior that seem out of character, like dramatically shifting in tone, mannerisms, or interests depending on their environment.
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Body Language and Masking: Many neurodivergent individuals force themselves to maintain eye contact, smile, or be more expressive to appear more engaged, even if it feels unnatural.
These signs can indicate that someone is masking to fit in or avoid judgment.
Why Do Some Neurodivergent People Mask?
Neurodivergent individuals often mask due to social expectations and the fear of stigma or discrimination. This can be particularly true for autistic individuals, who may feel pressured to hide their autistic traits to avoid being perceived as different.
Social Expectations and Conformity
Societal norms often dictate how people should behave, leading neurodivergent individuals to mask their natural behaviors to fit in. This can include mimicking social cues, suppressing sensory reactions, or hiding repetitive behaviors, at the cost of their well-being.Â
Fear of Stigma and Discrimination
The fear of being judged or ostracized can motivate people to mask their true selves. This fear is exacerbated by societal stigma surrounding neurodivergence and mental health conditions, causing many to mask to avoid being labeled as "weird" or "difficult." Like someone with ADHD holding back their natural enthusiasm or refraining from interrupting conversations, even if their brain is racing with thoughts and connections they want to share.
Camouflaging for Social Acceptance
Some people mask to blend in and gain social acceptance, which can be crucial for building friendships, maintaining relationships, or achieving personal success at work and school. This could look like holding back from infodumping (sharing extensive knowledge about a favorite topic) because they donât want to be seen as too intense, or forcing themselves to laugh at jokes they donât find funny to maintain social bonds.
Coping with Sensory Overload
Masking can be a way to avoid sensory overwhelm in environments that are too loud, bright, or chaotic. However, it can take a lot of effort to suppress reactions to overwhelming stimuli. Someone might wear uncomfortable clothing to fit in with dress codes in an office setting, push through overwhelming background noise in a social setting, or pretend they are fine when they are actually struggling with sensory overload.
Desire for Personal Success and Achievement
Masking can be seen as a means to navigate professional and academic spaces designed for neurotypical people. This could mean forcing themselves to sit still in long meetings despite needing movement to focus, suppressing their natural thinking patterns in favor of linear, structured approaches, or mimicking workplace social norms to avoid being perceived as unprofessional.
Impact of Masking on Mental Health
Fig. 1. Thematic map of the three stages (motivations, camouflaging, and consequences) of the camouflaging process. Themes are indicated by rectangles; subthemes by ovals byJ Autism Dev Disord. 2017 May 19;47(8):2519â2534. doi: 10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Masking can have significant negative effects on mental health [4]:
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Increased Stress and Exhaustion: Maintaining a mask is emotionally draining and can lead to burnout.
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Anxiety and Social Difficulties: Masking can increase anxiety and make social interactions even more stressful, especially as you second-guess yourself.
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Masking as a Barrier to Diagnosis and Support: Since masking hides autistic traits, many people â especially women and nonbinary individuals â go undiagnosed for years.
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Identity and Self-Acceptance: When someone spends years suppressing who they really are, it can create confusion and self-doubt.
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Social Isolation and Strained Relationships: Since masking creates a gap between a personâs real self and how they present, relationships can feel surface-level or exhausting.
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Difficulty Seeking Help: If someone has spent years masking, they may struggle to explain what theyâre really feeling or experiencing.
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Burnout and Exhaustion: Masking takes a physical and emotional toll, leading to long-term burnout.
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Worsening Mental Health Conditions: Masking can prevent individuals from addressing underlying mental health issues, potentially worsening conditions over time.
Is Masking a Coping Mechanism?
Yes, but itâs not always a healthy coping mechanism. While masking can help people navigate social situations, long-term masking can lead to emotional distress, social isolation and burnout. Itâs a short-term solution for a long-term challenge.
Learning to Unmask
Unmasking is the process of embracing oneâs true self without fear or shame. Itâs not easy, but itâs worth it. Hereâs how to start:
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Self-Awareness: Recognize when and why you mask.
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Safe Spaces: Surround yourself with people who accept you as you are.
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Therapy & Support: A neurodivergent-affirming therapist can help navigate unmasking.
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Self-Compassion: Give yourself permission to exist as you are.
FAQ
Q: What does it mean if someone is masking?
A: Masking means that someone is hiding their true thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to fit in with societal expectations. This can be due to fear of stigma, social pressures, or a desire for acceptance.
Q: How do I know if Iâm masking?
A: You might be masking if you feel like you're pretending to be someone you're not, especially in social situations. Signs include feeling exhausted from maintaining a facade or experiencing a disconnect between your internal feelings and external expressions.
Q: What are examples of masking?
A: Examples include forcing eye contact when it feels unnatural, mimicking social cues that don't come naturally, or suppressing emotions to avoid drawing attention.
Q: Can non-autistic people mask?
A: Yes, non-autistic individuals can also mask, often due to social pressures or fear of stigma related to mental health conditions or other personal traits.
Q: How do you unmask a neurodivergent person?
A: Unmasking involves creating a safe and accepting environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves authentically. This can be achieved by promoting understanding, acceptance, and support for neurodivergent traits.
My Experience with Unmasking
Iâve masked for as long as I can remember. Watching others to know when to laugh, when to nod, when to speak, or more importantly, when to stay quiet. It sounds exhausting, doesnât it? But for a long time, it was my default setting. I became so attuned to reading body language, subtle shifts in mood, and the unwritten rules of social interaction that I barely noticed how much energy I was spending just to blend in.
In many ways, this hyper-awareness made me successful in corporate settings. I knew how to adapt, how to meet expectations, how to push myself to show my value. In reality, I was burning out â unable to understand how others could just "switch off" at the end of the workday while I replayed conversations, unfinished tasks, and every social interaction in my head. My 100% felt like everyone elseâs 300%.
It wasnât until I lost my corporate job and started working for myself that I began to notice just how much I had been masking. With fewer external expectations, I finally had space to exist without constantly adjusting to the people around me. Unmasking took time, self-reflection, and a lot of self-compassion. I had to learn to create safe spaces for myself where I could stim freely, speak in my natural rhythm, and let go of the pressure to perform. And the best part? Iâve started to notice the people around me unmasking too â giving themselves permission to exist more authentically.
Unmasking isnât easy, but itâs freeing. And I hope that by continuing to share our experiences in these blogs, weâre helping others like yourself begin to understand themselves better.Â
References
[1] Elizabeth M. Radulski; Conceptualising Autistic Masking, Camouflaging, and Neurotypical Privilege: Towards a Minority Group Model of Neurodiversity. Human Development 17 May 2022; 66 (2): 113â127. https://doi.org/10.1159/000524122
[2] People Management. (n.d.). Neurodivergent employees 'mask' their condition at work, study finds. Retrieved from https://www.peoplemanagement.co.uk/article/1881095/neurodivergent-employees-mask-condition-work-study-findsÂ
[3] Beresford B, Mukherjee S, Mayhew E, et al. Evaluating specialist autism teamsâ provision of care and support for autistic adults without learning disabilities: the SHAPE mixed-methods study. Southampton (UK): NIHR Journals Library; 2020 Dec. (Health Services and Delivery Research, No. 8.48.) Chapter 9, Experiences of an autism diagnosis with and without post-diagnosis support. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK565382/Â
[4] Hull L, Petrides KV, Allison C, Smith P, Baron-Cohen S, Lai MC, Mandy W. "Putting on My Best Normal": Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. J Autism Dev Disord. 2017 Aug;47(8):2519-2534. doi: 10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5. PMID: 28527095; PMCID: PMC5509825. Available from: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28527095/Â